Grandma is having her shoulder surgery. I’m tired and wanting to punch a doctor in the face for scheduling us this early.
Today we deal with the glaring problem of my lack of empathy.
It is not a big surgery. She should be out today, at the latest tomorrow morning. Nothing to worry about. I will be going home and will just pick her up later. Apparently that’s frown worthy with my family.
I should be staying here all day, why aren’t I more worried, blah blah blah. Yes, I feel bad for Grams. Duh. But the thing is, in my head I don’t actually feel bad. I’m very aware of my lack of empathy. It makes it hard to comfort people. Even worse if they’re crying. I had to force myself to cry at my grandpa’s funeral because my mom thought there was something wrong with me. That doesn’t mean I don’t cry for others, but its hard being understanding.
Bad person, eh. Just lacking. I know it looks bad so I make an effort. But I literally have to force my brain to be compassionate instead of just leaving become I desperately need sleep.
Today is just going to be exhausting dealing with that.
She has the best commentary for every movie/show/life.
This is my sister. She’s older only in age. In mentality, I’m 30 and she’s probably 5. I still love her though.
My mother is finally starting to accept that I will not be going back to school and will in fact be moving to North Carolina. She doesn’t like it, but she hardly ever does. I’ll forever have college dropout hanging over my head.
I wish we had a relationship like the ones I’ve always seen on TV or read in books. I never had a real mother figure to help me be a girl and talk about boys. I taught everything to myself through reading and, sadly, Google. I’ve never had a true heart to heart because it feels so awkward. We’re just too different. She’s Miss All-American-Dream with her big house, yard, and 2.5 kids (she has 4 actually) and I want to live on the outskirts of society, reveling in the underground. None of my family really has a good solid relationship (except maybe me and my sister).
If my art and characters are a reflection of myself, no wonder they have family issues.